Quick break

02 Oct, 2026

This isn't business related (exactly...) but I gotta get it out of my head AND catch my breath.

Trigger warning: discussion of ticks. (The icky bloodsuckers, not the cute little sounds.) My wonderful international friends may not want to read this one.

Okok so over a decade ago my now ex and I went to California for a vacation. We were at a state park (maybe even a national park, I dunno, I've slept since then). We was chatting with a ranger when a REALLY upset British woman approached us, looking way more upset that you expect British people to look. (Side note: I'm saying "British" because all the accents sound the same to me. It's only recently I've started to learn the difference between English and Scottish. Yes, I know.) "I had a tick!" she announced. "Where is it?" asked the ranger, prepared to spring into action. "Well, I pulled it off me, didn't I?" All three Americans calmed down because once it's off, the emergency is over. And if you pulled it off quick enough, chances are good you didn't pick anything up, even if the tick was infected, which most aren't. Especially in California. But I have enough international experience to understand that "America has ticks and those have Lyme Disease and CAN KILL YOU" is the sum total of knowledge she has about these things, and I have enough lovely English friends to know that ticks are really, REALLY scary when that's all you know. "I mean, I can get some alcohol for you...?" the ranger was sincerely unsure what other action could possibly be taken. The poor tourist was near panic. She gestured wildly, and the ranger headed off. "Excuse me?" I couldn't watch her suffer like this. "The tick... how big was it?" "It was ENORMOUS!" I exhaled. "Ok, that's actually good," I explained. She looked shocked so I continued: "The big ones don't usually carry anything; they're just gross. If it was teeny tiny, that's when you need to worry." Bless her, she started to calm down. I told her to head to the ER in the VERY unlikely event she caught a flu later that day, but assured her that she had like less than 1% chance of having anything. By then the ranger had returned with alcohol and a cotton ball, and I left them to it. Until today, I counted that as the only time I ever saw a Brit overstate anything. Ticks are not large animals. Until today. My first semi-pro ren faire was last weekend. (See? This is sorta business related!) So I was unpacking the car... slowly, because if I get everything out of the car and vow to put it away later, I'll break that vow every dang time. My brain simply categorizes the task as "finished." So I pull out 1-3 things and put them all the way away before going back for 1-3 more things. About 3 iterations into this something moved on the car's floor. Y'all, it looked like a tick but it was easily 3 times the size of the biggest tick I'd ever seen. Motherer had to be an inch long, at least, and fully proportioned. I counted its legs. Twice. This is when you probably want to know that I'm legit diagnosed phobic of insects, and that my phobia doesn't extend to spiders. Or ticks. Don't get me wrong, I'm squeamish of ticks... last time I had one I called my friend to pull it off, which she did with kindness and mutual laughter. But I don't play with ticks. I grew up in Alabama, I've lived in Virginia, and I know someone who is severely disabled from Lyme Disease. Any one of those will make you not play with ticks. I will not suffer a tick to live, and no, I won't try the "super trick" your uncle swears takes them off. The only way to get a tick off is to pull on it. Hard. And then you cut the er up into four pieces, and count the pieces. Just squishing it isn't enough to know for sure it's dead. Today was the second time in my life I squished a tick. The first time, I realized why you don't just squish them... they're too small to know for sure you actually squished it instead of just stunning it. But this one? This one looked like any squished bug. Then I took it outside, found a pocketknife, and cut the thing into 2 pieces. (I don't play with ticks. Nobody should play with ticks.) Each squished half was the size of the largest tick I'd ever seen before today. Y'all, that sweet British lady wasn't exaggerating. The ticks on this coast are indeed ENORMOUS.

I promptly told my family and then did flight of the bumblebee throwing things I'd unpacked into the laundry. Along with anything washable that touched anything I'd brought in. At the end of that I needed to empty my head and refill my lungs. I also did a bit of research and discovered that this big fella was a "soft" tick (who knew?) that can apparently give you relapsing fever. (And here I thought I was safe on this coast. Welp, that's ok, I'm used to ticking being dangerous.) So now I'm gonna finish unpacking - even more slowly - and take a burning hot shower, lol!